Guys, seriously. SRSLY. I don’t know what the heck happened. One minute, I’m crying to my boyfriend and freaking out because my blog has just gone POOF! and the next I’m reading and writing furiously to play catch-up and the next I just drop off the face of the blogosphere, without warning or really any strong, resounding reason. Well, there’s reasons, just not necessarily justifiable. So, let’s talk about why I disappeared (sorry about that, by the way, meant to mention that I apologize).
1. My blog feels so small these days
Yeah, boohoo, right? But it’s true. My reach has plummeted since the disastrous TDB disappearance and I don’t have that much activity going on over here anymore. Which is disheartening. I mean, I adore every comment and I appreciate it. But all the same, I feel super sad face because my blog has been brought back to life, but as I learned from Practical Magic (you know that movie with Sandra Bullock being a witch?), bringing something back to life doesn’t usually come back to what it was before. This is something on the more minor scale for why I disappeared, but it deserves to be on the list. Cause I’m confessing shiz here, okay?
2. I am way behind the times
The dark days of the blog led to me being totally out of the know about what’s going on in the YA world. Books are releasing that I hadn’t heard of, there are screen adaptations popping up all over the place that everybody knows the cast of already and I’m still like “They’re making that into a movie?!” I just feel out of the loop. Again, minor reason, but all the same. It’s hard to stay up to date when you’re… not up to date. I’m still circling around end of winter 2013 here.
3. I am terrible about writing timely reviews
Here’s my issue. I read a book. I get to the last 100 pages and I get all “GO AWAY, I’M READING. I HAVE 100 PAGES AND THEN I WILL REJOIN SOCIETY!” With the capitals and the exclamation points in full effect. And when I finish that book, do I stop to write my review? No. Do I stop to take notes on my feelings? No. Do I even stop to take a more pensive thought about the book? Nope. I do my updates on GoodReads (cause I am sort of a reading challenge addict) and then promptly pick up the next book. See, I think this is a product of Number 2. Because I’m so far behind that I feel like I have to NEVERSTOPREADING or else I’ll get even more behind and become even more irrelevant, etc.
4. I have OCD about having to write a review about every book I read, DNF or otherwise
Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I feel the need to share my (sometimes, mostly) incoherent thoughts about a book that everybody else read 10 years ago? Why do I absolutely have to write reviews for every book I read?! It’s a little ridiculous. And it drives me up a wall. Because I have to do it. Truly. For my own sanity. I listened to Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta on audio recently, and I have to say that I did not enjoy this book and I think it has to do with the format/narrator. So I’m going to reread it. But, there’s this niggling feeling in the back of my head that wants to sit down and write that review so I can fully explain all of that. But I plan on rereading the book in ebook or paperback in the near future so what’s the point. Also, I’m currently listening to The Fault in Our Stars by John Green on audio. I read the book last summer. Do I rereview it when I’ve finished the audio? Probably. Cause my OCD will continue to drive me up a wall. At this point, my OCD has driven me up Mt. Everest at least 10 times, but it’s an unavoidable.
5. When you add 3 and 4 together, you normally get 7
But in this case you get – I’m way freaking behind in reviews. I have eight and a half (Jellicoe Road being the half) books yet to review. And that’s a lot. The oldest (oldest being least recent read), I finished at the end of July. So much has happened since then, particularly in my reading life. I’m so incredibly overwhelmed by that mountainous pile that I just don’t know what to do. And because it’s been so long since I’ve read some of them, that I feel like my opinions might be muted or subdued. I won’t be able to find the right words because I don’t have them anymore. I stare at the screen, begging my fingers to fly across the keyboard as they are now, and instead they sit there idly, reaching for the delete button every time I get a sentence, or word or even letter down. Truthfully, I think I’ve spent enough time staring at a blank review to add up to all the time I would probably need to just write the damn things. It’s a vicious cycle, and this is probably the main reason I just went poof without warning as of late.
6. Sometimes, I doubt my abilities or right to write
So, I run into this most commonly when I feel super strongly about a book, either hate or adore. Why do I claim the right to be able to write these reviews of this book that the author has slaved over? Being in the blogging community is a bit of a bittersweet experience – because we see behind the scenes just exactly what it takes for an author to get published. There are millions of books out there, so it shouldn’t be hard but it totally is harder than I think is comprehendible. I commend writers for sticking to it, particularly when it gets rough and prospects get bleak. So then the book finally gets published and it’s put into my hands cause I bought it and then I get to rant / rave? Like, who am I? I’m really just some 25-year-old introvert who loves reading, but has no strong literary background, nor the ability to say what I actually want to half the time. I read the book and then get to share my opinions with the world (or, well, the 10-15 people who actually might read them). Who am I? In the grand scheme, I’m a nobody. Which is sort of a hard pill to swallow. Be honest with me, how many times has one of my reviews led you to buy a book? Better yet, when has it led you to NOT buy a book? Because I have really disliked a book, received a comment from somebody who agrees with my points and then saw that same person review it on their blog. Like… what?! I do subscribe to the belief that we should read books others dislike to formulate our own opinions. I just don’t follow the logic that somebody would agree with my thoughts and still subject themselves to this malarkey.
So, there you have it. I’m sure there’s more. But that’s enough for now. I suppose this was inspired by Top Ten Tuesday’s topic several months ago about blogging confessions. Coupled with trying to find yet another reason to procrastinate writing those reviews. And perhaps it’s a proclamation that I’m on my way back, but I’m not there yet. I need more strategies to getting on track.
Have you ever been in a blogging slump? If so, how’d you recover from it? Do you suffer from the same compulsions that I do – must read all the books, then review all the books? Any advice? If you’ve never had a blogging slump, I’m jealous. But how do you keep away from slumping? I suppose being proactive here is the best policy, I’m just not very good at it.